It's my son's first birthday today and I am sitting here at work, cause apparently they can't survive without me today. I was really hoping for a quiet day of reflection and rememberance, but it's not looking to be that way so far. If you can't tell, I am resentful of being here. I know this is my boss's way of telling me to "buck up and get on with it." Maybe I do need to, but I really don't think today is a day to hold myself to that. I am resentful that among all the other feelings and emotions I have today, the biggest one I feel right now is anger. I am trying not to let it get to me, cause I realize that people just don't get it. I guess I just didn't think that my boss was one of those people.
So instead of spending the day with Josh and our dogs, family and friends...I am here at work, not trying to put on a happy face like every other day. Someone here told me to be strong...well I really don't feel like being strong today. Really, is that so unreasonable?
To those co-workers of mine that may be reading this...I am sorry if this is brutally honest. Actually I am not sorry. I really think most of you who are reading this, understand where I am coming from, and for those that think I am being unreasonable...I really don't have it in me to care. All I care about today and everyday is my boy, my family and friends. I guess I just should have called in sick rather than trying to be honest about it and expecting them to understand.
I hope that I can push this anger aside and allow myself to feel what I want to feel, cause this is sure as hell not the way I imagined this day to begin...
12 comments:
That is awful you have to work, and you never have to be strong. (I hated that!)I know I told you, but you both are in my thoughts. I know this is a hard day, and I am sorry!! (That is all I can say!)
Oh, Jamie! I'm so sorry--as if this day weren't difficult enough. All my love, because I sure as hell don't know what else to say...
~Adrianna
funny (not really) how people forget. sad that words and people can be so empty. because god knows that work is the place you should be today (extremely pissy and sarcastic). it is your day to go postal if needed. i love you.
I cannot believe that you were expected to show up today. Buck up? Has your boss lost a child? How can anyone expect this of you today? As if it isn't hard enough. Word cannot express my sympathies...and anger right along with you. Dawn Duran
I can't even find words...
Buck up? That's bullshit. I can't even imagine who in their right mind would expect you and Josh to be over this...ever. I wish so badly that there was something I could say, or do for you both.
I'm missing Abram so much today and can't stop thinking about how big he would be today...probably walking and I'm sure smiling and laughing with that beautiful, perfect face we all miss so much.
Jamie, I'm so sorry that you have to be sitting at work right now...I hope you are able to find some time with Josh to reflect and remember your beautiful little boy.
I love you both and my thoughts are with you today and everyday.
I'm so sorry Jame. I agree with Beth - who can expect you guys to EVER "get over" losing your precious baby boy? I think your anger is more than justified.
You are both in our hearts today, as usual...and so is Abe. We miss you sweet boy!! More than ever.
I am so dissapointed in the people that we thought were our friends, not just our employers. I'm sorry you are not with Josh today, but remember that you are not alone. Abe is with you in your thoughts and most importantly in your heart.
Happy Birthday Goober-
The person/people who have forced you into going to work have no heart(s). "buck up" is the most ridiculous thing i could ever think someone could say or imply. sure its been almost 5 months since sweet abram left us but that doesn't mean it has gotten any better. i find myself daydreaming about how big he would be right now, what words he would be saying, etc. and if i'm doing that i'm sure you and josh and doing it times one hundred. Thinking of you all this day. Especially you Abram, I love you and miss your beautiful face and wonderful personality. you made my breaks at work the best ever!
What should be a happy and fun day is now instead filled with anger and sadness. Feel what you need to feel and know that there are many many people who are thinking of you, Josh, and Abe today. Words can not express...as always our thoughts are with you.
I'm so sorry you had to work. It was a hard day for everyone. I spent a little bit of time with Mel. She really loves that little boy! You are always in my prayers.
~Jodi
And the world continues to spin and no one knows it's really standing still. There is no meaning in a day without that smile, no hope in dreams that are lost, just a day that the world continues to move around you and no one knows it's really standing still....
So sorry Jamie. All my love, Amy
Post a Comment