Everyone just loves Fridays! Well, I don't. Abram died on a Friday. Every Friday around 1 pm I get a sick feeling in my stomach and that panic feeling returns. You were so right Tricia- panic is the only way to describe that feeling. I try so hard not to think about that day. I don't want that one day to invade my thoughts and memories of Abram, but it's hard not to. Josh and I have talked about how we remember that day. All of us spent the morning together before work, which was a first for us. We both remember his mood that morning, happy yet somber. Josh remembers his whimper as he sat in his high chair and waited for me to get his blueberries and mush. I remember the look he gave me as I kissed him goodbye at the babysitter's. It was the only morning I remember that he didn't give me his big grin. He gave me a deep stare with tears in his big eyes. He didn't cry, he just stared. Looking back at it now, I truly believe that he knew. He knew that he would be leaving us behind that day and was sad. I told Josh in the car how Abram looked at me. It hit me then and it haunts me now. How I wish that I would have stayed a few minutes longer to see that smile again.
5 comments:
my tears today are for you. i think that is why my last bout of histarics was on monday...fridays in some way will always feel this way. ive been thinking about it. its like you never stop counting or remembering the day of the week, or the time, but the days start to add up so that its hard to keep track- so it seems like the days aren't affecting you so much. but its really an illusion...a sort of joke that time plays on us. thinking of abe today.
Trish- could not say it better myself. This is sad that we can all relate to each other- it sucks really!!!
I'll never forget the sinking pit in my stomach when Brad called me that friday at work with the unbelievable news about Abe. It seemed like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. To think you both live in that nightmare every day is heart-wrenching! You are my best friends in the world, I wish so much I could take all your pain on myself sometimes.
As time goes by I know reality seems to hit harder & harder, but you guys have been amazing through it all. I've learned more from you about true faith & love than I would at any church. Thank you for that.
I know tomorrow will be a hard day for you guys, but Brad & I are ALWAYS here for you no matter what. We love you very much!! xo
I also have vivid memories of that day. I had made a last minute decision to stay home from work that day to move the rest of my stuff out of Josh & Jamie's and into my new condo. I packed up my car and was feeling a bit sad about leaving my home of the previous 5 months. I remember driving away, it was about 1:00 and I burst into tears. Wasn't sure what it was all about until about an hour later when I heard the horrible news. I know Abe was with me for a few moments...saying goodbye.
i personally will never forget that day. in fact i find it wandering into my thoughts every now and then. it truly was one of the most tragic days i've ever experienced. when Jamie started screaming i first thought that Abram had been kidnapped or something. but the news was much worse...i'm so sorry that this has happened....i will forget him not.
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