I'm angry. I'm angry that I have no idea what a five year old likes. I'm angry that I find myself looking at clothes, wondering what size he would be in. I'm angry that I worry about Judson being an "only child" when in fact he is not. I'm angry that he has to carry around a picture of his brother, cause that's all he has. I want my first born. I want Judson to have his brother. I want the impossible.
Instead we make trinkets to take to his grave. We make cupcakes that we think he'd like. We sing "Happy Birthday" through tears. We will let his little brother blow out his candles and eat his cake. We do our best to hold onto our fading memory. It's hard to celebrate a life that is no longer.
I love you sweet boy. The love you brought to our hearts carries us through. We will forever honor and cherish this day. Love and miss you to the moon and back.
2 comments:
Words can't do me justice after reading this, but know that I look up to you and Josh for your strength. You've been to hell and back and still manage to be something I strive for every day. Wish I had gotten to know Abe better, but love hearing all the stories and kind words. Love you girl.
You wouldn't be human if you didn't hurt and didn't feel the injustice of it all. It shouldn't be this way. But somehow, you bring so much grace to it all, and I admire you both for how you deal. Love to all of you.
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