Today, I am distraught. It has been ten months to the day that we lost our Abram. I see the one year coming up and it chills me. I have spent the past ten months trying to get a grip on this whole thing... it isn't easy. Of course, I know nobody expects it to be. I have put a lot of energy into handling things in a positive way, i.e. reading, writing, soul searching. I have explored philosophy, therapy, music, gardening, and dare I say, religion. I have kept an open mind and an open heart throughout all of this anguish. I have tried to see it all from the vantage point of truth. That it all had to mean something... even if I never figured it out. That somehow, someway, I would be able to walk away from this with something to keep. Something to show for my endurance and will, my capacity to survive. But today I am ashamed to admit I have been searching blindly. I have been looking just slightly off center. I have forgotten what has brought me here to begin with... my beautiful wife, Jamie.
Abram was the best of Jamie and the best of me, but he is gone. Jamie however, is not. Which means the best of her (the part I love the best in him) is still with me. Silly rabbit!
I don't really know how to articulate the depth of my love for this woman, because trust me, I've tried. I do know this... I have never known more tenderness than I know in her. Witnessing her transition into motherhood was astonishing, to say the least. So fluid, so natural. It was as if it were her calling- "World's Perfect Mother"... and she is...
I love you, Jamie! Not only do you put up with me, but you love me in unison. Thank you for the gift of perfect love... and it is...
7 comments:
concerning deep, beautiful love:
.:.:.
"...here's what I keep, here's what I carry
The sweetest of intentions, love in the remains
Here's what's strange, and what's extraordinary
Nothing ever changes, but nothing stays the same
Cuz I know your secrets, I have tasted their fruit
I have known the flash of her teeth in the dark
And you thought that I wouldn't notice, and you thought that I would not follow suit
Or the song in your soul or your heart......"
~jb
.:.:.
i'm sorry i have been aloof. my heart breaks in february, and has needed my attention.
i heart jones x 3
That is so sweet! Josh that was beautiful! That is all I can say!
perfect.
I love you too Jamie, and I love you Josh!!!
Oh Josh...you are just so sweet and so sincere. I just love you and Jamie both so much...I always have. And have always admired the ways that you both love each other. You both have always been, and continue to be such a huge inspiration to me. It's no wonder that Abe turned out to be such the amazing little person that he did.
Thinking about you always...
Josh - you continue to amaze me. You are wise beyond your years.
Jamie - I love you with all my heart!! I feel so honored to be in your life!
Both of you - Damn I love ya! I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Thanks for all you do for us.
Josh, what a tribute. You two are meant for each other, you compliment each other so perfectly. Abe's life, though short, made a family everyone can learn from forever because his mom and dad are still strong and have become stronger and more committed to their family unit. We love you guys. Grandma &/or mom Parrish.
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