I've decided that I need to come back to this spot and use it once again as my release. I need a place to try and help relieve the tension and anxiety that I am feeling right now. A lot has gone on since my last visit here. Most importantly, we are pregnant! We have been so excited and appreciative of this pregnancy. We are 21 weeks and just found out last week that we are having another boy! Along with that exciting news, we also found that I had some complications going on, requiring me to be hospitalized immediately. They found that I was already dilating and that the bag of water was coming down. Fortunately they found it when they did, cause had it gone one more week, our outcome would likely have been far different. They were able to successfully push the bag back up to where it should be and stitch the cervix closed to hopefully prevent further dilation and keep our bun in the oven! All this intervention feels so foreign to me...we have tried so hard to avoid as many interventions possible. But if I've learned anything with what we've gone through in the last few years, I've learned that we have to adjust and adapt to this crazy life and just hold on to what it is we want. All we want right now is a healthy baby. We deserve it.
The baby is healthy and strong, and active! I have to be on pretty strict bed rest which is WAY harder than I ever anticipated. It's only been a week and I feel like I am losing my mind. Fortunately I have the best husband, family and friends that are there for me through it all and are doing everything for me that I can't. I honestly couldn't go through life without every one of them. The love and support we are shown everyday is so overwhelming. They keep me sane and remind me of what's important. I'm also so appreciative of my work and how understanding they have been. I'm just a lucky girl all around.
I can't wait to meet this baby. I am so anxious to see how he resembles and differs from his brother. I can't wait to have that tangible feeling of motherhood again. I can't wait for sleepless nights and sore boobs. I can't wait to see Josh with his son. It's going to be hard and oh so scary this time around, but it's going to be wonderful!
Now all we need to do is find a name for this boy. Its pretty hard when you're following a name like Abram Dean. It'll come...
(Special thanks to my adorable niece Kylee for letting me use her sweet laptop for a bit while I'm laid up. Love you dolly!)
